It sounded better before I forgot the words

so i lied
i'm still smoking
still blowing it in your face just to say "well, if you'd stuck around, i wouldn't be doing this"
but in truth i really just like the rush

that's why we do e - the invincibility
that's why we do lines - the pace
that's why we do a j - the calm
that's why we do m&ms - the change
that's why we do s's - the transformation

but you wouldn't know
all you know is the mundane
but i like that about you

And they say romance is dead...

... and i'm not even sick

almost puked when i rolled out of bed this morning

almost puked eating breakfast

almost puked when i got to work

almost puked after i ate lunch

almost puked as i left work

almost puked just now

almost kissed her in the car last night

giving up the ghost

since the 18th of december i haven't gone a single day without at least one drink
today i broke the habit


maybe now i'll be able to fall asleep before i hear the clocks cross over midnight

maybe my fingernails will grow back

maybe my stomach won't feel so horrible anymore

maybe now i'll be able to listen to the old tunes again

i'm not holding my breath

Cold, Down n' Out

A year ago today I woke up in a bed next to a girl that I loved like no other. The night before we had fucked 5 times.

Today I woke up in the same bed, sans female. Oh the difference a year can make.


Current playlist:

Joel Plaskett - Non-Believer

Kings of Leon - Revelry

Fred Eaglesmith - Water in the Fuel

Hootie - Goodbye

The Pogues - Fairytale of New York

Rise Against - Audience of One

Steve Earle - Goodbye's All We've Got Left to Say

And let's not forget Katy Perry - Hot & Cold.
(With tits like those, who's gonna argue?)

Ashes

it's come time for another admission

and this time you didn't even have to ask for it


so here it is: i have no idea what to do next

now, it would be cliche for you to lay down the answer "noone else does either", so you stay quiet. after all, you suppose to know me well enough to know that those words would just piss me off
it's true that i hate cliches, but in this instance it would be what i wanted

and that's why you only suppose to know me

i've been thinking alot lately about the past. about hindsight. about 20/20 vision. about the choices i would've made/the way i should've felt/the time i would've spent... if only i had known then what i know now

most of the time i look back with a cringe on my face and hang my head, wishing i could change things. but then again, i did promise myself to give up regret and all that it brings with it. easier said than done, but i am trying
i've given up a few ghosts and pressed the release on some traps that once held me
but it's harder to ignore the scars that those iron clamps left in their stead

in truth i wish somebody knew which path i should take
and just to give them the proverbial fuck you, i'd take the other route just to say i did it

i suppose that's the beauty of living life without fate